reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
