so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
