You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
