john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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