did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
