When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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