If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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