I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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