to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Someone signed my nipple.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
