Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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