The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I would fuck him just for his dog
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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