OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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