It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
