New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize