He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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