So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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