That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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