the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
