Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
