Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize