If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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