theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She even gives head with a lisp.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
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