is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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