I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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