i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Randomize
