I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
