She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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