Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
