You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
