fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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