she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
