What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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