He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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