Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
