summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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