fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I feel great
I just peed on a car
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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