As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
