Acid is not a monday night drug
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
