Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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