Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
