Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
