I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Randomize
