When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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