can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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