Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
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What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
there is glitter all over my balls
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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