TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
