i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
