where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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