I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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