i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
