Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
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