Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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