I'm so fucking centered right now
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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