can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
