There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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