So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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