I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
