those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
