When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
