the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
