I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize