I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon