sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.