i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?