Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  what do you have against ST

  (1-540): View more from Virginia

  DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): what do you have against ST (1-540): DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS. http://tfl.nu/zpvl
  Replies (11) Good night (3258) Bad night (855)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober http://tfl.nu/te1z
  Replies (29) Good night (3431) Bad night (724)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf http://tfl.nu/hwzk
  Replies (44) Good night (14981) Bad night (1465)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex. http://tfl.nu/ci3t
  Replies (23) Good night (4678) Bad night (1025)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around. http://tfl.nu/0d7u
  Replies (4) Good night (2610) Bad night (898)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard. http://tfl.nu/rl99
  Replies (9) Good night (2366) Bad night (737)
• Favorite

  (682): View more from Texas

  I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (682): I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery. http://tfl.nu/qxsn
  Replies (4) Good night (2034) Bad night (641)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too... http://tfl.nu/zmym
  Replies (5) Good night (619) Bad night (1180)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days

  (1-609): View more from New Jersey

  Sounds like the perfect vacation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days (1-609): Sounds like the perfect vacation http://tfl.nu/rgtv
  Replies (1) Good night (1302) Bad night (1129)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace. http://tfl.nu/5hw2
  Replies (12) Good night (1014) Bad night (1963)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare. http://tfl.nu/aa8b
  Replies (17) Good night (2240) Bad night (553)
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now." http://tfl.nu/lznt
  Replies (3) Good night (1795) Bad night (458)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual. http://tfl.nu/irow
  Replies (1) Good night (671) Bad night (235)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas…. http://tfl.nu/ehgv
  Replies (0) Good night (488) Bad night (254)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor? http://tfl.nu/mcjz
  Replies (1) Good night (232) Bad night (489)

Randomize