I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus