I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
