i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
These 21 FaceApped Celebrities Will Make You LOL
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass