I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?