so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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