John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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