i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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