So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
