my vag is so smooth its legendary
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
