I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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