I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.