I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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