We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
