i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize